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Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Modern Relationship Phenomenon: Why Nice Guys Finish Last and the Decay of Chivalry

            It's not men's fault, no. Never has the blame been rightfully placed in the lap of those in the wrong. How can one be blamed for something so absurd, such a heinous crime, one of which he did not commit? Well our world is far from perfect. In this society it's hard to make sense of anything. If it involves feelings or emotions rather than logical thought and processes then you've already lost. My main objective here is to explain the premises and constant incongruence when it comes to what is said and what is done, and why it always seems like    men are the one's wrongfully being blamed for this decline in relationship standards.

            I believe whole-heartedly in treating women right. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a gentleman. But in society today, it's damn near frowned upon! Who changed the basis for how to act towards a lady? It's like someone picked up the book of relationships and completely re-wrote it in crayon! It's simply ridiculous! Since when did it seem appropriate to make a woman feel so bad, to hurt her so much that it makes her cry?

            I may not be able to tell you exactly when it all changed, but I'll tell you exactly who is to blame, and it's probably the very last person on your list of suspects. I imagine women will be surprised at my assertion, but men will simply nod their head in agreement. I'm not trying to put all the blame in one place, because I'm sure in many cases that there's more to it, but I heavily believe there's a group more at fault than any other as to why this decay is occurring.

            Is it the music? Doubtful. Is it the media? Possibly, yet not entirely. Is it the parents? Highly unlikely. So what is it? Well it's easy to explain. They're the most evil concept ever comprehended. The most brutal creature known to mankind. They are the sirens among nature. Something so confusing that you'll wish you never associated with one. Have you figured it out yet? If not, then I'll leave you hanging no longer. It's a simple answer. The ones that are most at fault here are undeniably, without a doubt, women. That's right- females! You've only got yourself to blame! You're the ones who have drastically switched the poles, not us men!

            Let me explain further. There's this facade that has become normality today. Something I believe to be absolutely dumb and downright stupid, and it only confuses the men fighting the good fight. Women constantly preach about finding their Romeo (minus the suicide part). "Oh I can't wait to find the right guy for me. The one who will treat me right, and treat me like a princess. I want a guy that will be faithful and love me with all of his heart!" Newsflash: take a look a back on your past, and I guarantee you that you've passed up on one, if not dozens of these Romeos. You're just being a terrible Juliet, and nothing more. Don't you ever find it funny how you believe in these thoughts but you act completely different? I find it odd when women say that's what they're searching for, but when you take a closer look what do you see? They're with the tool that treats her like dirt, or at least treats her like she's nothing more to them than anyone else is. Just another "bro."

            That's just the thing: women are so parsimonious, hard headed, stubborn, cruel, confusing, misleading, indecisive, ambiguous, discouraging, hindering, and circumvent. They know just the way to take your happiness and shoot it right into the ground. It's a mystery to me how men are essentially the ones who run the world when women have so much unspoken power in their hand. Then again, they do say that behind every great man is a great woman, which I also believe to be true in most cases. Women are just something else, and nobody understands them, not even themselves.

            So what is the deal with this seemingly innate attraction to guys that have no interest in treating them how they should be? It could be one of many things. It could be the need to "fix" their father-daughter relationship by going after someone who is like their father, in a sense. It's something buried deep in their psyche, something they aren't aware of, but is very, very real. It could be their want for adventure, something that this "bad boy" ostensibly provides. It could be that they were raised in a household riddled with rules, and they see a guy who constantly breaks them just because they are there to be broken, and they see that as attractive (for some ungodly reason). Or the least sensible rationale: to fix a broken man. They see it as a challenge and want to help repair a wrongful thing. But the big question here is: How do these relationships turn out? According to, "In a word, poorly. That’s because bad boys won’t change unless they want to—no matter how long-suffering their partner might be. Further, despite initial attraction, most women get tired of bailing a man out of jail, wondering if he’ll make it home from a party, or catching him with another woman. Women who sign on with bad boys enlist for endless conflict and turmoil. Ironically, the very thing that draws good girls and bad boys together is usually their undoing. Many women have learned the hard way that bad boys make bad dating partners–and even worse spouses."

            Have you changed your mind yet? You see, men aren't to blame. Us good guys are more in touch with our emotions and have more sympathy than those wastes of time. Why chase these dead ends if you'll only end up hurt? You should try giving the guys wanting to put you before himself a chance. You may end up being happier with your decision than you think. Act on what you preach. Because saying you want this, then going for the complete opposite is senseless, careless, and can only hurt the ones that care about you, leaving destruction in your wake.

            It's easier said than does, as most things are when it comes to relationships, but you can fix it all. I've noticed that later on down the road all these women realize maybe they should have given the good guy a chance instead of getting into some train wreck of a relationship with a careless guy that just wants to have sex and get drunk. They end up used and thrown away. I advocate you to please think twice before you brush this good guy off. He may not be anything and everything that you are looking for at the time, but if you wait a while, you'll notice he could have been. It sounds biased to say something like that, and that I'm essentially telling you to give any random guy a chance just because he says "I'll do anything for you." No, that's not the case, my friends. What I'm saying is if you find someone, and you have feelings for them, but they aren't this wild adventurous type, that they're more of the good guy, the sweet guy, I prompt you to see it for what it is. Because if you chose the bad boy over the good guy, then you deserve to have the bad boy. You aren't worthy of such a person willing to go to the ends of the earth for you after you turn the other way on them. You simply receive what you ask for: a guy that will only go arms length for you, and if it requires any more effort, then oh well. You can't justify your actions by saying that the good guy just simply wasn't what you wanted. Because that's a load of bull. That's all you preach about, but when it's in your face you can't even see it. So like I said, if you choose the bad over the good then you deserve the bad and all the consequences that follow along with it.

            Going back to my main point here, I reinstate my theory that women are at fault for this whole mess. Why exactly? Because men aren't the ones who started this change. Women were the ones who started chasing these tools and hurting all the good guys, and sometimes turning those good guys into bad boys. It's a repeating cycle, and no where do I see it as men's fault. While boys are growing into men, they see this cycle and think "Maybe I should give in and do all that stuff because maybe then I'll get all of the girls!" The sad part is they're usually successful in doing so. But if you're like me then have no desire to wrong a woman, then there's a good chance you've sat back and watched this cycle play on repeat over and over again. Let's be honest here, it's the most aggravating thing to see the bad boy get the girl. Especially when you see how badly he treats her when you know you could do so much better for her. But you'll never get the chance! Not until women realize their mistakes and right their wrongs.

            Have you ever heard anyone say "Chivalry is dead?" Do you agree with them? If you agree with them then you are either: A) a woman who has only been wronged and never treated properly, or B) a guy that doesn't care enough to try to be chivalrous. Here's my breakdown of these two categories. If you would classify yourself as an 'A,' then you deserve it. Every single bit of it. If you're thinking "Why would I deserve that?!" Well to answer your question, it's your fault and there is nobody else to blame. You were the one chasing the dirt bags that treat you like crap. You get what you ask for and you got what was coming to you. Maybe you should try and find a real man, a man who will treat you the way you want to be treated. As for category B, all I have to say is you need to grow up. If you think the way to go is to act trashy towards a woman that is giving you the opportunity to be with her, then you simply just need to mature a little. I've been told I seem very mature for my age, that I don't act, speak, or carry myself as if I was merely a freshman in college. But in all honesty, that has nothing to do with my viewpoint on how to act towards a lady. I've always had these thoughts. Never once  have I thought to myself "Man, I really want to go try and get in her pants. I just want to see if I can lead her on and manipulate her enough just so I can have sex with her." Not once  have I even pondered at the thought, not even fantasized about it. The way I see it is love is more important than sex, and that sex is meaningless without love. Would you not rather be affectionate with your spouse/girlfriend/significant other instead of just having meaningless sex with strangers? It's idiotic. That only hurts people, not to mention it gives you a quite beautiful reputation. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl, I still think it's pitiful if you sleep around with a bunch of people because you can or because it's "fun." Guys think it's like a competition, whereas women just see other women as sluts if they do that. No, actually, I would have to say both sides can be considered sluts. It's disgusting, and you need to grow up if you think that's in the least be classy or acceptable.

            In my opinion, no, I don't believe that chivalry is dead because I, for one, am a prime example of someone who practices it. I think it's the only way to go. I would want people to treat me with decency and respect, so I give them that respect, as it should be given to them. On another note, though, I do believe that chivalry IS dying. I see less and less good guys practicing chivalry, and more and more bad boy impersonators decided it the best not to act gentlemanly. Just because you are chivalrous does not make you a nerd, a loser, a geek, etc. It makes you no less of a man, but in fact a greater man than those who think it's too feminine to do it. Women don't deserve to be treated that way, and I believe it honestly takes them getting hurt by the bad boy before they finally realize their wrongful ways and come running back to the good guys.

            Now I have some advice for you men. Treat her like you think she would want to be treated. Treat her like she's your ONLY one, not just your SOME one. Make her feel special, not just occasionally, but every day. Reinforce your affection for her by proving it. Hold her hand in public, pay attention to her when she's talking. Let her know that you care. Surprise her with gifts and thoughtful presents. Just be spontaneous and caring. But there's one thing I strictly forbid you to do, and that is to NOT BECOME COMPLACENT. For those of you that are unaware of what that means, according to, complacent means "pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied." Never allow yourself to become complacent. Because if you feel like everything is fine, there is a good chance that everything is most definitely not fine. If you feel like there is no work to be done or no room for improvement, and that you're free to just do whatever, then you're sadly mistaken. Always treat every day with her like you could potentially lose her, because in actuality, you could legitimately lose her. If she's smart, when she leaves you, she's leaving for good, never to make that mistake again. Just remember that, and apply those words appropriately.

            Now for you women, I have less of a "How To" list, but more of a "suggestion sheet," if you will. In my previous paragraphs I stated multiple different things that you're doing to us good guys. I recommend that you try a nice guy out for once. Just to see what it's like. If you don't like it, fine, go back to chasing the reckless drunkards that have a high susceptibility to running their own fate into the ground without you. But I want you to become more aware, perceptive, sensible, and acquainted with the idea of you ACTUALLY being with someone who cares. Think about it for a little bit. Imagine if there was a guy that treated you in all these ways that you wished to be treated, and that he would do anything and everything for you, and would put your happiness before his. Now think a specific person who you conceptualize as doing so. Is the first image/person that comes to mind one of those loser bad boys? I doubt it highly unless it's some freaky-weird scenario. Chances are this is the guy you should be giving a chance, and not disowning. Maybe you should see it from a different view and understand what each person's motives are. The good guy wants to be with you because he wants to have a mutual, loving relationship with you, and to be happy by making you happy. This bad boy likely just wants to get in your pants or use you for some other abstruse goal, such as getting closer to someone else, who he also likely just wants to have sex with and nothing more. I encourage you to try and rationalize your thoughts and feelings, and understand them wholly. If you know someone's no good, then I suggest you stay away from them, even if it is a good guy. But if you're going to have two options, and you choose the bad boy over the good guy, then like I said before, you deserve to only have the bad boy because the good guy is too good for you.

            In denouement, I would firstly like to say that I absolutely believe it to be women's fault for this degradation in relationships. It is not biased opinion, but simple analysis and reasoning. I personally believe this to be so because I've been denied and hurt one too many times by women while they chased after these losers, but all the while, I never did a single thing to wrong them. So how can that be considered my fault? What did I do that is deserving of such arbitrary treatment? I did no such action of comparable distaste! There's only one person capable of being blamed here, and it sure isn't the other scum that she's going after, because he didn't force her to! The only one to obviously blame here is the woman that has done wrong. I'm not trying to make women jump into something they may not be ready for, but take a second look at things, have forethought, and try to evaluate your situation thoroughly before ditching the good guy for bad boy. Think about the consequences of your actions and how everyone involved will be affected, whether it be negatively or positively. I'm not trying to convince women to just give us good guys a chance because surely with how stubborn they are, simply reading my essay here isn't going change a thing. I just want everyone to be aware, both males and females, that it's up to them to revert this 21st century catastrophe.